Self-talk

2021年2月14日

你是谁。没人会问你今天过得好吗,没有人会在意你是否存在。有时当你试图走入人群,最后却和孤独一同离开。

你是谁。屋子里每时每刻忌讳与人沟通。在屋子里只能等待当天当晚的施舍。

你是谁。只可惜屋子里从没你我同龄的人,好让你远离孤独一些。

你是谁。每日担心着下个争吵对象会是谁,每日期盼着离开这你不属于的鬼地方。

你是谁。若你自己都不明白,没有人会明白你为何存在。

你是谁。或许一辈子都不会懂得亲情是什么,或许他能告诉你,但或许他也不晓得。

嘿。当父亲从不开口说话;当母亲在父亲背后说他的坏话;当兄弟姐妹都一同活在另一个世界,我会在街角等你,就等你来。


2019年5月5日

当别人不懂得如何欣赏你的意见时,让我来陪你(在他们背后骂他们)。

在这个大家都以自我为中心的社会,不是每个人都能明白你创造东西的泉源,并欣赏其中的奥秘。当你辛辛苦苦构思出来的idea被人扁得一文不值,是不是有一种超冤枉的感觉?

“明明就很有创意啊!”

“我花了好久的时间才想出来的耶…”

“难道连一点都不好吗?”

对,听到上司或朋友或同事把你的想法踩得比纸张还扁时,心里一定很不爽,很想杀人,我也和你一样。

所以我就和我那被狠狠压缩的自尊心,滚回我那渺小的宇宙里,想着如何找机会报仇。但平下心来,再想想…这将会是一个吃力不讨好的恶性循环。别人的嘴贱,为什么我们要沦落到和他们一样呢?

我知道,说好话很难,为别人着想后在把话以温柔的语气轻轻用文字诉说,简直比登天还难,痛苦又麻烦。

但是你是知道听了这种“下等话”后心里是有多难过的呀,那不如就让我们成为拯救地球人的英雄,改变我们应对这类垃圾话的方式从我们开始!

这里有三招,本人是觉得不错,不懂得欣赏就请借过。

第一招:再努力

如果你还尚存一丝希望,你大可放胆再提出更多建议!我欣赏你的勇气并一定在世界的某个角落支持你!

第二招:装可怜

男生就比较难但如果愿意,这招是超能让你下得了台阶的。就委屈一点承认自己超烂,把“想”的工作往外丢就好啦!但如果没这么好运,工作没法往外丢…还有第三招!

第三招:找帮手

最后一招就看你平时如何对待同事或下属啦!如果能找到朋友或战友挺你,路会比较好走的!(所以没事就多情人喝咖啡,积阴德吧~)


10 April 2020

It’s just been a month but many things have changed. Singapore Government has introduced “Circuit Breakers” from 7 April to 4 May, suspending all non-essential work as well as schools. Before these measures were in place, tuition centres were already suspended. We struggled to find ways to bring our lessons online and ensure all processes were as easy to follow as possible. Lessons have to be conducted slowly and marking of work is difficult. However, I have almost got used to it and am enjoying having the bed as both my sleeping and working place.

Today, the Ministry of Education has suspended schools from using Zoom to conduct lessons as hackers hijacked lessons and showed pornographic content to students in the meeting room. Though this kind of behaviours should have been predicted, I could not understand what is the problem with these hijackers. This is an extreme time in the history of human race and everyone is struggling to keep afloat. Nonetheless, I believe there are more good people than bad ones and I hope students whom I have taught would learn the right thing from their older generations.


5 March 2020

I almost had a break down in class yesterday. Being a tutor, one disadvantage is that you may lose a student because of a poor performance during one of the many lessons. Just like a singer losing fans because he or she sang off key during a performance.

The class size was bigger than what I can manage. Although I have a teaching assistant, he or she is not a teacher. Being an assistant, he or she may not have the right knowledge to teach the students. However, I can’t afford any question to be taught wrongly, yet I have too many students having too many questions. I fully grasp the true meaning of “more is less”.

I only have 90 minutes per lesson. Having more than ten students could mean that one student is having less than 9 minutes of my time. Though this may not always be the case, but I do not want to waste their time.

I could have taught corrections as a class. However, not all students will get all questions wrong. What if that question only has one student getting it wrong, wouldn’t it waste the remaining students’ time if I go through it? How do I judge which questions to go through then?

Always hoping to make lessons fun, I began to lose my energy and my original goal of teaching as I teach. Perhaps I should really decide on what’s important for each lesson and do a bit more when there’s time. I hope I will be less greedy.


2019年10月16日

依然在这份工作中浮浮沉沉。

小六生虽然毕业了,但压力不减。其一,他们的成绩反映了我在过去一年里的成绩。其二,其他年级层的学生们正为十月尾的考试筹备着。考试结束后,又会有家长因考试成绩不理想而选择退课,也会有家长选择和老师探讨接下来该如何帮助孩子们。

真的不晓得如何才是教书的最佳方法。每一个学生的能力都不一样,然而一堂课就只有90分钟。若想帮助更多学生,人数太多也无法分身。人数太少上层又会觉得你的能力不足,无法吸引“顾客”。撇开人数不谈,还有学习能力的不同。补习班已经算是额外的加强班,如果还不足以让孩子们理解某个学说或概念,难道要他们牺牲所有童年,只为了让一张证书上的成绩显得更漂亮一些?

每个孩子们都不一样,为什么大家会说,到了关键时刻却不肯相信?每个孩子都能进名校是不可能的事情。然而千辛万苦进了名校也未必就会前途光明。赢在起跑点是件令人安心的事情,但每个孩子真的不一样。不是你希望能成龙,就成龙,能成凤,就成凤。有哪个老师会希望自己无法帮助学生?而这又让我想起学到的另一点 – 随缘。

不能不说,能不能从一个老师身上学到知识,有时真的得看老师和孩子的性格合不合得来。有好几个懒散的学生都不希望上我的课,觉得我太凶。反思了许久,我并不觉得自己凶,但我很急。因为我希望孩子们能在最短的时间内学好某些事情。这当然不会受到没那么勤劳的学生的欢迎。我无法让每一个学生都喜欢我,这是我,身为教师,必须接受的事实。我还在学习中。


2019年4月11日

经过了很久,终于舍得花时间好好坐下来整理繁杂的思绪。

教了近三年的书,说不累不闷是骗人的。岁月的积累并没有让我变得比较知足。总觉得自己能做的更好,别人也能做的更好,一切就是不够好。

每个学生掌握新知识的能力都不一样,但课堂上时间的限制让我很急迫地希望他们统统都能倒背如流。当快与慢的学生学习在同一间教室里,聪明的学生不免会渐渐骄傲,慢一点的学生则会觉得压力。夹在两者中间的老师更是苦恼。苦恼时不时会进化成烦躁。而在近考试的期间,脾气就会变得暴躁。这是我不希望会变成的摸样,但现实总一而再再而三地把我拉进这黑洞里。

那时候写的歌这样唱着:“Grades don’t dictate our lives”

现在的我虽然继续坚信,但已没脸唱这首歌了。补习老师的职责就是让孩子的成绩进步,这份工作让我处于黑与白之间的灰色地带。

面对缺少推动力的学生,要如何花尽心思才能让他爱上学习?

面对学习较慢的学生,要如何解剖一题我一眼就算得出答案的数学题?

面对不愿学习的学生,要如何去嬉皮笑脸地把知识端到他的面前?

面对要求甚高地家长,要如何去体会孩子地心情?

我在挣扎着。

当我的作文没有该有的高低起伏,完整的核心概念与清楚的段落,请不要觉得我的老师教得不够好,这是文字的自由。